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What did you hear today?

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layla [19 Jul 2007|10:35pm]

A doctor’s waiting room, nearly empty. Two receptionists shuffle papers.

The tiny transistor behind the reception desk is tuned to a classic rock station. “Layla” is coming in over the airwaves -

- Darling won’t you ease my worried mind.

Then the instrumental coda sets in, heartbroken piano and mournful guitar warbling through the speakers, as it has through millions of radios every day of the year all over the world since 1970.

One receptionist, maybe a few years older than me, speaks to the other, about the same age.

- Oh! For some reason I love this song.

- I wasn’t listening.

- Oh it just started.

- I don’t even know what it is yet.

- It doesn’t have any words. It’s just a -

- Diddly.

- Yeah.
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Heather? or Kevin? [02 Jun 2006|01:09am]

This just now happened.

So I hear some jock-type guy, probably in his early 20's, yelling REALLY loud, "HEATHER! HEATHER!" He passes directly in front of my house, at which point I hear some of his ramblings clearly: "Oh God, she's the only one who can help me. Oh no! Oh, please, HEATHER!" I don't think he was drunk, and it didn't sound like he was really desperate; more like he thought he was the hero in a terribly romantic episode of Dawson's Creek.

He wanders back across the street, presumably to "Heather"'s house, and continues carrying on, just as a friend of mine used to do whilst begging money from his parents as a teenager: sometimes wheedling, sometimes threatening, and sometimes "crying."

I figured soon enough the cops would come, or he'd tire, or Heather would relent and let him in, but at this point it took an unexpected turn:

Some guy opens his door and yells at the guy very angrily: "It's 12:30 in the morning and you're out here screaming and yelling 'Kevin!' Shut the fuck up or I'm calling the cops!" I got the distinct feeling he was partially so unsympathetic because he thought Brokeback Mountain had just arrived on his street and he didn't feel quite ready for that.

The next few exchanges were mostly unintelligible, although I think I heard Dr. Love say snottily, "Come out here and say that."

"You're out here screaming and yelling at 12:30 in the morning and now you're threatening me?? I'm calling the cops."

Somberly, seriously: "I'm in love, dude."

"I DON'T CARE!" *slam*
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[30 May 2006|11:50pm]

As I stood outside having a smoke this afternoon, two girls came jogging down the road.  They were both tiny little things wearing sports bras and spandex shorts, their pony tails bobbed behind them.  Just as they passed me, I heard one say to the other, "So I went to see 'The DaVinci Code', with, you know, the Mormons....."  they jogged on before I could hear any more.

(This actually happened last week.  It only just occurred to me to post it here.  I've just copied and pasted it from my own LJ).
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[12 Jan 2006|05:01pm]
Between a man and his son, early morning on a bike ride:

Man: I'd never do that to Charlie! What would we feed the chickens?

Feel free to make guesses as to what the HELL that means.
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Christmas trees [16 Nov 2005|11:08am]

An overheard conversation between a quite elderly man and a young woman at the booth behind me in El Asadero Restaurant, Texas:

She: Mom wants to get a real tree.
He: A wheelchair?
She: No, a REAL TREE. A Christmas tree.
He: Oh. Those things are expensive.
She: I know.
He: You could get one real cheap after Christmas.
She: Yeah, but then it would be too late.

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[23 Oct 2005|05:46pm]

At the Keene, NH Pumpkin Festival on Saturday morning, both comments uttered in complete sincerity -

"How is your soup, Liam? Is it everything you thought it would be?"

and, later, sharply -

"It's not my fault my dog is white."
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[05 May 2005|10:58pm]

The other day, I saw a man in a great big obnoxious red pickup truck stopped at a red light. He had his music up really loud. It was "You're so Vain".

He was singing along at the top of his lungs.
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in texas [22 Apr 2005|01:18am]

mid morning. a couple months ago.

one of the tables i was waiting on, while i was filling up their iced tea, i heard this:

"Well, it's not inbreeding if they don't have kids. Right now it's just in-fucking!"


my boyfriend muttered this in his sleep a while ago

"This would never happen in a whorehouse in Texas."

i have been meaning to post these!- i almost forgot about this community, and that's too bad, cause it's a good one. but i'm back and my ears are open <3
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on the way into the diner ... [02 Apr 2005|01:15pm]

... an older couple were on their way out:

She: How old is he, anyway?

He: Who, Bernie?

She: No, the Pope. Why would I care how old Bernie is?
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found this in an old NYC journal of mine, May 2001 [30 Mar 2005|11:44pm]

Morning bus, M5 Downtown, Riverside Drive.

"I like to listen to New York 1 station. It’s gonna get hotter and hotter and hotter."

A woman with trouble of some kind tries to take off her sweater by lifting it up over her head and putting it behind her neck, with her arms still in. She can’t figure out how to get it off. The woman sitting behind her offers to help her get it off.

"Put your hands up over your head." She pulls off the sweater, and from 77th street all the way down to midtown she will not be left alone.

"Thank you. I have a son. He’s a man now. 28 years old. Do you have allergies? Every time I eat shrimp, of all things ... you like your job? Well, what kinda job do you have? ... I only have a BA. I got a B-plus in statistics. On the other hand, I’m not in a big hurry. Well, I am, but I’m not. What I’m good at, is I’m a good cook. Salads. I’m also very good at arts. But interesting, good art."
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February 25; Montage at The Gates in Central Park [22 Mar 2005|01:16pm]

Teenager outside the park: "And I never have to see those orange flags again!"


Young adult, on the phone to friend: "It's amazing; John is getting tons of shots."


"Hey, cabron!"


Child, looking at a picture of himself on his mom's digital camera: "I don't look happy!"


"The kids are great; I love the kids."


"You're going to have all the same shots!"


"So, what's the symbolism here?"


"Stand right here; I want to take your picture. Stand Right Here. No, babe, right here. Next to the Gate. Right here."


"A woman ran out of the store, handed me her camera..."


"Well, the whole park was designed so that..."


"I don't know how to get us out of here?"


"Did you get the ducks?"


A couple.
Guy: "It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience."
Girl: "Oh please."


Little girl: "The orange is so cool!"
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Valentine's Day Listen Here [14 Feb 2005|09:21am]

A young woman with a thick Caribbean accent, on a brownstone stoop in Fort Greene, Brooklyn, talking on the phone this morning:

"I know that money don't got nothing to do with love, I understand that, but in a relationship..."
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[09 Feb 2005|10:41pm]

As I walked through Harvard Square on my way to class, I passed a blind man panhandling. He was talking. Not just "spare any change?" No. We have a higher, more literate class of panhandlers here. Just as I walked by him, he said,

"A lot of Christians out here tonight. I should go to Jerusalem -- I'd make more money, and I'm not even Jewish!"
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[08 Feb 2005|08:47pm]

Overheard in a restaurant between an adult and someone else’s child:

Adult: What do ghosts eat for breakfast? Boo-berry pancakes!
Child: Sometimes my Daddy stays up all night.
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[07 Feb 2005|08:28pm]

Anybody else heard of this one? Looks like fun.

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Overheard at the Dallas Gun & Knife Show... [29 Sep 2004|06:39pm]

One teenage boy to another:

"Hey - we need a sword."
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9/10/04, 6:50 p.m. - NYC [11 Sep 2004|10:40am]

Standing at the corner of West Broadway and Beach Street in Tribeca. Friday afternoon Holland Tunnel traffic is stopped for a few blocks.

A luxury SUV stops in front of me, driven by a stocky, sporty black guy wearing a beige t-shirt. He chats with his friend in the passenger seat as they wait for traffic to move. They're close enough that I can easily hear the conversation inside their car.

Two tall, geeky white guys walk up to the corner, waiting for the walk signal. One guy wears glasses and a blue suit, and carries a briefcase.

Geeky Guy: Are those 24s?

It takes a second for the Sporty Guy to realize that Geeky's talking to him.

Geeky (indicating his tires): 24s? Jordans?

Sporty: 24s.

Geeky (nods, looks them over): They're lookin' good, man.

Sporty: Thanks.

The traffic moves, and the SUV drives away. Geeky turns proudly to his friend and to me, and smiles broadly.

His friend, whose shirt is untucked over jeans turns to him

Friend: You sure know your tires.
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Heard at a "linger longer" [09 Aug 2004|08:24am]

Friend 1: "So, I didn't know what to do with the salsa so I just put in ON the chips, is that against the rules??"

Friend 2: "Um, I don't think so, its pretty confusing what to do with that salsa huh?"

Friend 1: (giggling) "Wow, what if someone heard this, hehehe!"
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[08 Aug 2004|09:31pm]

[ mood | confused ]

overheard at a birthday party:

"so what you're saying is that you hate mashed potatoes, but you like rectum?"

"well, if by that you mean i'd rather eat rectum than mashed potatoes, then...yes."

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Overheard Theological Debate [05 Aug 2004|09:52am]

Warning, much harsh language behind the cut.

There are two African guys that work at my local Bartells Drugstore. Both are really nice. One of them, Tad, works a second job at the gas station where I fill up my car. He works 16 hours a day. I asked him once if working that much got boring. He said, "What else am I going to do? I have nothing here."

Tonight they were both working the night shift. Siguy was checking me out and Tad was asking about Nancy when this huge Russian guy came up. His head was shaved bald and I have to assume he did it himself because the back of his head looked like it had been mauled by a cougar. Tad called out, "Look who's here!"

Siguy said, "Howdy boss. How's life?"
Politically incorrect and vulgar language follows. Click at your own risk.Collapse )
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